What Shadows Hide
by Daylily Gold
Summary: Jack won't let Ralph escape that easily... Sequel to "Nightmares and Reality"
1. Conflictions

//Gah… Getting into Ralph's head is a picnic compared to finding out what Jack is thinking.  I'm not even sure this is entirely in character, so please tell me if you think something is off.  I hope this meets the expectations of all you wonderful readers.  This is the first chapter, and it's very short, but don't let that put you off.

Disclaimer:  I don't own Lord of the Flies.  Nope, not even a little bit.

Warnings:  This is a continuation of "Nightmares and Reality."  That means slash (boys likin' boys) and swearing.//

**What Shadows Hide:  Conflictions**

_"I won.  I don't need you anymore."_

The words pounded in Jack's brain, lined in fire and ice.

_"And you'll just be an animal, a Beast."_

He hissed in anger, abandoning any pretense of calm and just running, letting his anger fuel him.  People on the sidewalk scattered, yelling after him to watch out; he ignored them and kept the pace steady.

_"And now it's time for you to go."_

How dare he?  Did he really think Jack would allow this?  After so much care, so much time, so much damned effort he was not about to be denied.

He slammed the door to his house open and bolted up the stairs, ignoring his parents who yelled after him.  They could rot in hell for all he cared.

Jack threw himself down on his bed and tried to calm his ragged breathing.  The fading afternoon sun danced on the ceiling; he watched it for some time before turning the problem over in his mind.

_"I don't need you anymore."_

Jack sneered at the sunlight, unaware that his hands were starting to ache from being clenched in fists so tightly.

As if that would end it.  As if one simple statement could stop this.  Jack closed his eyes and relaxed himself, trying to find some peace.

It wasn't that easy.  Could Ralph really have thought that it was that simple?  God, did he think Jack would have chased him after two years if he could be dissuaded by one stupid argument?

This wasn't about sex.  This wasn't about intimidation, fear; it wasn't about that.  Could Ralph really be that naïve?

He hadn't wanted or needed anyone in any way before meeting Ralph.  He couldn't have cared less about his parents and he had no siblings.  Jack wasn't the sort of kid who made friends easily, but he hadn't wanted friends.  He had had the choir, his own little group in which he was the undisputed leader.  Then Ralph showed up and threw everything he knew for a loop and Jack had been in new territory for the first time: admiring someone, wanting to know someone else from the inside out and become a part of him.

It wasn't as simple as one statement, one argument, one refusal.  It wasn't as simple as lust or even obsession.  The fact was that Jack needed to be able to categorize and label Ralph, to leave him behind in some finished corner of his mind and be done with him.

And the only way to do that was to know everything that made Ralph tick.  Everything that made him laugh or smile or cry or scream in rage.  There was no other person who was so damned mysterious to Jack, and he didn't like it.

It didn't matter if Ralph needed him or not.  Jack needed Ralph, and he wasn't going to let Ralph get away from him.  Not until he was good and ready.

//Review if you like, flame if you have to, blink in confusion if you just don't get it.//


	2. When Children Laugh

//I hate writing papers.  How can you write eight pages on Cortes' use of diplomacy and deceit during the conquest of Mexico?  And just how many damn synonyms can you use for "diplomacy" and "deceit?"

Yeah… school papers are driving me insane.  Which means I'm in the perfect frame of mind to write more of this!  'Sides, my own lil mental version of Jack has been alternately sulking and shrieking in rage in a corner of my mind.  He's an impatient little bastard.

So!  Next chapter!  Fun fun fun…//

**What Shadows Hide:  When Children Laugh**

The sun was too bright.  He could barely keep his eyes on the corner where Ralph always turned, walking home from school.

Jack smirked.  So predictable.  A person could follow Ralph for one day and know his schedule, his habits, his facial expressions and more probable rejoinders by heart.  So where did that aura of mystery come from?

If he had the answer to that, he wouldn't be here.

Ah.  There.  Haloed in the afternoon sun and in his own triumph.  Ralph walked like he had just been freed, just been brought back from death or hell.  His eyes were bright and focused far away, on something Jack could not contemplate.

_Quickened heart beat.  Shallow breath.  Focus, concentrate-_

_No!  Jack broke out of his own trance, startled and suddenly shaky.  __That won't work.  Ralph figured out how to win in that way, remember?  Time to change the rules again._

With a shudder, he let his breath out slow and forced himself to calm down.  The soft sounds of the day began to penetrate his consciousness again- cars, people talking, children laughing.  Funny, how people would smile to hear children laugh, and then be shocked to find out what was so amusing.

Someone else's discomfort or pain.  Someone breaking society's rules.  Someone acting… uncivilized.

Jack smiled, slow and cold.  Not a real smile at all.

Of course, he'd have something to smile about later, if his plan fell through.

It was simpler than he had ever dreamed it could be.

Jack fell into step beside Ralph, saying nothing and giving no clue to his thoughts.  Not that Ralph could read him, anyway- Jack was the one who saw deep.

Of course, Ralph was probably still high on his earlier victory.  Fine.  First skirmish to Ralph- no, make that second.  Jack grinned, feral.  The first skirmish had been his, and it had been sweet.

"Good afternoon," Ralph said, not even glancing over.  So polite.  So very civilized; hiding in the laws of society.  Jack hid his grin and answered.

"Good afternoon.  May I enquire as to how your day went?"

Sweetness.  Ralph's expression lost that calm, condescending glory and became confused again.  He looked so much nicer that way, with his eyes wide and searching and his mouth slightly slack-

Jack turned away with forced indifference, smacking himself mentally.  That wasn't how this had to go; not yet.

"F-fine," Ralph stuttered.  His steps slowed and Jack fancied he could actually hear Ralph's heart beat faster.  Maybe he could.

"Are you all right?" he asked, casual and cool.  God, it was worth it, just to see the shadow of confusion and fear in those eyes again.

"I'm fine," Ralph said flatly, suddenly in control again.  But not calm, no- nor was he so happy.  Jack watched the little anger lines that he had seen so often, once upon a time, crease themselves back onto the other boy's forehead.  Gorgeous gray-blue eyes shuttered, downcast.

"Perhaps you just need a little rest," Jack said, allowing a tiny smile to appear on his face.  He wished he knew how to look innocent.  "Have you been under some strain lately?"

Ralph's eyes widened comically and he turned in complete confusion and bright anger.  "What do you mean by asking me that?!"

Then he realized just how he had blundered, and lowered his eyes with an almost sick expression on his face.  He stopped, staring at the ground, and Jack waited patiently next to him.

Forcing himself to look concerned while hiding his own delighted laughter was one of the hardest things Jack had ever done.

"I have to go.  Excuse me," Ralph said in a low monotone.  Jack caught his arm.

"You don't look so well," he said sweetly.  "I should make sure you get home safe."

"Jack-"

"Ralph."

Ralph stared right into his eyes for a long, indeterminate moment.  There was nothing else but two boys, two fighters, two paths converging and twining together, whatever they might have chosen differently.  

The rules had changed, but now Jack knew how to play by them.

And he was much better at this game than Ralph had ever been.

//Review if you like, flame if you have to, blink in confusion if you just don't get it.//


	3. Deal with the Devil

//I officially LOATHE essays.  Especially the ones with INTENTIONALLY vague parameters.  Stupid midterms…

Time to get back to the much more exciting medium of fanfiction.  The first part of this may seem slightly cliché (well, hasn't the whole damn series so far?) and a little OOC, but it does fit!  Really.  Jack has good reasons for what he does, and they're all steeped in cold calculation and total disregard for what Ralph wants.  Heheh.//

**What Shadows Hide: Deal with the Devil**

"What are you up to?" Ralph asked bluntly, turning finally to face Jack again.  Jack blinked back at him, feigning mild indignation.

"What kind of question is that?" he asked, coming to a standstill just slightly ahead of Ralph, following newly surfaced instincts that he didn't quite understand yet.  When Ralph squinted against the sun to look up at him, Jack knew he was reading this situation right- even if he didn't understand why.

"Why are you playing this-" Ralph stopped, snapping his jaws shut as what he was saying made it into his brain.  "I see."

"What, you don't like this game anymore?"  Jack smirked.  "You were the one who chose it."

"I did not."

Jack narrowed his eyes, leaning close to him.  "Take responsibility for your actions, Ralph.  This is what you wanted, after all."

"What I wanted- what I _want is for you to leave me alone!" Ralph snarled.  Jack laughed out loud._

"You don't even know what you're talking about!" he said, wrapping an arm quickly and securely around Ralph's shoulders.  Ralph's whole body went rigid.

"Would you mind letting me go?"

Jack pretended to think this over.  "Mm… yes."

"Jack-"  Ralph tried to wriggle away, but Jack turned to face him and grabbed both of his shoulders.

"How about this, then," he said calmly.  "A deal, if you will."

Ralph looked at him suspiciously.  "Yeah?"

"A simple thing, really," Jack continued, looking up at the sky while trying to hide his grin.

"Are you going to talk, or what?"

"I'll leave you alone, if that's what you really want," Jack began.

"That is what I want!" Ralph shouted, stepping back and knocking Jack's hands off his shoulders.  A few people walking by looked over at them, but said nothing.

"But you give me a week to prove you wrong on that."  Jack crossed his arms over his chest, staring at Ralph in a manner he knew the other boy found disconcerting.

"I'm bargaining for personal space?" Ralph asked sarcastically.  Jack smiled mildly.

"Whatever you want to call it," he said agreeably.  He knew that Ralph was off-balance, anxious, even desperate-

He knew that Ralph would fall for this.

"Done, then," Ralph said flatly, holding out his hand.  Jack shook it and smiled.

He had known that Ralph wouldn't realize just how much was bargaining.

"One week, starting tomorrow.  Done."

It was the simple plans that succeeded.  Everyone knew that.

Jack rolled over onto his back and growled at the window.  The moon was almost full, there were no clouds at all, and he didn't have any curtains.  It was much too bright for sleep, much too dark for anything but thinking.

In one week, with Ralph's full permission and willing participation, Jack knew he could figure out just what was so special about the other boy.  And then it would be over.  He wouldn't need Ralph anymore.

That was, debatably, the most amusing part.  Ralph obviously thought that Jack wanted nothing more than sex and to humiliate him, and that this would have to be curbed after the week limit.  Not that those things weren't nice, but they weren't necessary.  Not for what Jack needed.

The wind had picked up during his musings and the shadow from a tall, naked tree was skipping erratically over the opposite wall.  Jack watched this rather than the moonlight, thinking about his plan of attack.

_When you want to know the color, the texture, the very taste of a person's soul, how do you capture those elusive strains?_

_Sex was one way, but that had to be an entirely mutual and enthusiastic.  Fear and hatred was another, but that was tricky at best, especially in such a short amount of time.  So..._

_What to do?_

_What's the least confrontational, most confusing and intimate way of revealing someone's soul?_

The answer wasn't that difficult, really, just a bit unexpected.

Jack had to laugh.  It would be worth all the trouble, just to see Ralph's face.

Hopefully, that confusion and anger and still-fertile fear would keep Ralph from discovering anything Jack might accidentally reveal at the same time.

//Review if you like, flame if you have to, blink in confusion if you just don't get it.//


	4. Conversations

//Can you believe seven + more chapters of this have to be written?  I really have to speed up the updates.

Come November, I'm going to be busy with a NaNoWriMo project, so I want to finish as much of this as possible before then.  Since midterms will be done this week, I just might be able to do so.  Updates a-hoy!//

**What Shadows Hide: Conversations**

Though the deal might have seemed spontaneous, Jack had actually planned very well.  It was a half-day at school for reasons unknown, perhaps due to teacher conferences and the still shaky post-war society, and right after classes Jack was leading the way down to a semi-hidden area of the park.

"My parents expect me home for lunch," Ralph said coldly.

Jack looked back at him, raising one eyebrow.  "Surely they can get along without you for a day.  Didn't you tell them you would be spending time with a close friend?"

Ralph didn't answer.  Jack grinned and climbed down a small ledge next to the creek.  The trees didn't provide much cover and the boys would be visible to anyone walking by who wasn't completely caught up in his own thoughts, which seemed to confuse Ralph.  This wasn't the ideal place for what he had thought Jack had in mind, Jack knew.

"Sit down," Jack invited, making himself comfortable on one of the rocks piling up at the side of the little creek.  "Stay awhile."

Ralph sat down gingerly, two large rocks between himself and his captor.  "Now what?" he asked, his voice filled with suspicion.

Jack waited for Ralph to get fidgety before answering.  "What's your favorite color?"

"What?!"  Ralph jumped up and stared at Jack with wild, angry eyes.  "What the hell are you-"

"Just answer the question," Jack said in a weary tone.  He leaned back and smiled winsomely at Ralph.  "Mine's black."

"Why are you asking me this?" Ralph said with forced calm, sitting back down and glaring with all his strength.  Jack simply looked back with no expression on his face, waiting patiently.

The staring match lasted for maybe a minute, when Ralph finally hissed, "Blue."

"Now that wasn't so difficult, was it?" Jack asked.  "Why blue?  I would think you would've had enough of that on our island, surrounded by the ocean day and night-"

"Shut up."  Ralph brought his knees up, hugging them to his chest and closing his eyes.  He suddenly appeared sad and lonely, and Jack might have watched him like that for a while if he hadn't been keenly aware of the time limit on this little venture.

Jack persisted.  "Why blue, Ralph?"

"I don't know."

"Think of a reason, then.  Tell me something."

Ralph sighed.  "Blue's calm."

"That's hardly an explanation.  Why do you say it's calm?" Jack asked.

"What are you trying to pull?" Ralph suddenly shouted, kicking his legs out and breathing loud and deep.  "What kind of game is this?  You have your whole blasted week; why are you wasting time?!"

"I'm not wasting time, Ralph," Jack said quietly.  He leaned forward, looking up at Ralph through his eyelashes.  "This is what I want to know.  All you have to do is answer my questions; that's all I want."

Ralph's breath was still irregular and he looked as if he would start shouting again at any moment.  "What are you up to?" he asked again, his voice shuddery and cold.

"Why do you like the color blue?"

Ralph shut his eyes against the sparkle of his angry tears.  "It makes me feel calm.  It reminds me of a clear sky and bright sunshine, it reminds me of summer and being young and innocent.  It reminds me…"

"It reminds you of before the island?" Jack ventured, filing this information away in his mind.

"Yes."

"Is there anything you miss about the island?" Jack asked, still watching him intently.  Ralph remained silent for a while, lost in his own thoughts.

"You want a serious answer?" he finally croaked, flinching at the hoarse sound of his voice.

"Why else would I ask?"

Ralph opened one gray-blue eye to look at him.  "I miss the first few days, when everyone thought it was just a game, when we all thought that life was a game and we were all-"

He stopped abruptly, but Jack knew what he had been about to say and didn't press him.  Instead, he asked, "Did you put all the blame on me?"

For a long, long moment, there was no answer.  Then Ralph stood up, his expression closed and angry.

"Goodbye, Jack."

Then he was gone.

And Jack smiled.

_If he had blamed me, and me alone, then he would have said so without hesitation.  He would have thrown it in my face more than happily._

_But he couldn't.  He blames himself.  Maybe he had blamed me once, but now…_

Jack watched the play of sunlight on water, staring into the tiny creek as if it held the answers to any and all questions a person might ever have.

But what does that say about him?  That he takes responsibility for things out of his control?  That he knows what it is to regret?  Those are just… just incidental.  There's something else there.

Jack reached out, slow and languid, to touch the water sparkling just in front of him.  He watched with blank eyes as the reflection of the sun was shattered even further, diamonds scattered over water.

_He values innocence far more than even civilization, though he hides in that now.  He would rather go back to being a child than grow up.  He wants to be innocent rather than wise._

It was something to think about.  Jack stood up, pleased.  He'd done well for day one.

//Review if you like, flame if you have to, blink in confusion if you just don't get it.//


	5. Questions

//November is coming up too quickly.  Must write faster!  Arrgh!

It's not like I can't, it's just that I'm lazy.  Oh well.  I'm updating quick as can be.//

**What Shadows Hide: Questions**

Jack led the way again, down into the further reaches of the museum.  It was free today if you got in before eleven and Jack had found waking Ralph up that morning to be quite amusing.  Ralph, of course, had been shocked, enraged, and now had completed the metamorphosis to sullen.

It was just after ten o'clock; they had been walking past an old church when the bells started to chime, shattering the silence.  Ralph had jumped and even Jack had been hard-pressed to hide his surprise.  The bells had sounded deep and old, weary and warning.

Still silent, Jack walked to the furthest reaches of the museum, past the fun exhibits that children and adults alike preferred to walk through.  The third floor was where the older exhibits, most of them about Eastern cultures, were slowly moldering away.

"What's the game this time?" Ralph asked in a whisper, sarcasm warring with apprehension and anger in his voice.  Jack kept walking, not deigning to answer.  After a long moment, Ralph followed him.

"Why do you suppose they put carpets on display?" Jack asked, leaning over the guard rail to get a better look at the Oriental rugs on display on the far wall.  Ralph was looking over his shoulder, obviously hoping that someone else would join them in the exhibit, but at the question he turned.

"Why are you asking me stupid questions?"

"No question is stupid," Jack replied, turning to stare at Ralph quizzically.  The other boy frowned and looked away from his scrutiny.  "Even questions that seem totally obvious have value.  Do you know why?"

"I don't know what you're talking about," Ralph said, looking at the carpets and trying to ignore Jack's presence.

"A question is valuable, no matter how silly it seems, because it gives you insight into the person asking," Jack said quietly.  Ralph didn't look at him, but he was listening.  His eyes grew more focused as Jack continued.  "And the answer is equally important, because it gives you a window into the way the person who answered thinks.  Really, nothing anyone ever says should be ignored, or thrown out as 'unimportant.'  Don't you agree?"

"That's your game, then?"  Ralph finally looked at him, his expression cold as ice.

"You wanted to know," Jack answered, turning away.

The silence stretched for a long time before Ralph spoke again.  "Why do you care?"

"About?" Jack asked mockingly.  Ralph wasn't deterred.

"Why did you tell me that?  Why would you care that I wanted to know?" he persisted.

Jack smiled.  "Answer my question first.  Then, maybe, I'll answer yours."

"What question?"

Jack waited.  Ralph muttered something under his breath, but he was thinking as to what the other boy's question might have been.  Jack wondered if Ralph knew just how obvious he really was.

"I don't know why they put carpets on display," Ralph finally said.  "Now answer my question."

"I asked you why you think they put carpets on display," Jack countered.  He leaned back against the guard rail and smiled at Ralph, who was scowling again.  "Answer my question, I answer yours."

Ralph shut his eyes and let his head fall back.  Jack stared greedily at his throat, having a sudden urge to bite it.  

"Well, they're pretty," Ralph said suddenly, breaking Jack's concentration.  Jack blinked, realized what he had been about to do, and cursed himself silently.  "And I guess they're cultural.  Probably there's some significance in the weaving, or something like that.  Maybe there's a special process behind them."  Ralph opened his eyes and glared at Jack.  "Now answer my question."

"Because," Jack said immediately.  Ralph started to yell at him in anger, but Jack held up his hand and interrupted.  "We're in a museum, remember?"

"That wasn't an answer," Ralph fumed.  Jack laughed at him.

"It's a simplistic answer, but it is an answer."

"It's not good enough."

"I have a feeling that a lot of things aren't good enough for you, Ralph."  Jack watched in amusement as Ralph blushed at that comment, mumbling something angrily and whirling around to look at the rugs again.  He continued, "Do you ever stop to think about what's happening?  Not just here, but everywhere?  The world's an island, Ralph.  More people, more conches- it's still going to fall.  Isn't it?"

Ralph was shaking his head.  "No.  It's different, out here."

"How?" Jack lowered his voice.  "An island, a country, a continent, a world- it's all the same, just scaled up or down.  Yeah, but we were kids, and there are adults here!  Dammit, Ralph!  Those adults are the same ones that started that whole goddamn war-"

"Don't swear-"

"I will swear if I damn well want to!"  Jack grabbed Ralph's shoulder, forcing the other boy to look him in the eye.  "It's all falling apart.  Countries torn apart and people dying all over the place.  Bombs, guns, kids with spears- what's the difference?  You and I don't understand why our own people put carpets up in museums!  How are we going to understand a whole other country, where people have lived so different for so long?"  Ralph was staring at him with startled, frightened eyes.  "We're all just running around in the dark."

"But we can understand!  Even if we just guess-"

"And when we guess wrong?"  Jack's voice was deadly quiet.  Ralph stared at him, breathing heavy.

"Then we try again," he whispered finally.  Jack could feel the gentle puffs of Ralph's breath on his face; they weren't very far apart at all.  "We find out how to relate to people as people, then we scale up."

"You have hope, then?" Jack asked sarcastically.

Ralph was shaking ever so slightly.  "I have faith."

"Faith falls."

"When you let it."  And Ralph smiled, totally free of any dark emotion.

Jack let him go, and the rest of day was spent, for what the rest of the world could see, as if they were friends- not altogether easy in each other's presence, but with a certain understanding and hidden emotion.

_Longing for innocence, faith in what's right- you aren't hiding what you are, but it's still so hard for me to see.  What do I have to do to get inside you?_

_What is there left for me to find?_

//Review if you like, flame if you have to, blink in confusion if you just don't get it.//


	6. Complications

//SLASHINESS!  Heheheh.

It seems people are confused as to what Jack's plan is… Jack wants to know what makes Ralph such a mystery to him; he wants to know what makes Ralph tick.  This is the only way he feels he can finally be free of the fascination he has for Ralph.

The way people find out what another person is thinking and feeling is through communication- through talking.  Jack is asking nonsensical questions 'cause he's not exactly sure how to find out everything about Ralph in a week.  He's hoping to get lucky, in a sense.

But, since attention is what people tend to crave and undivided attention often makes us feel very special, Jack might get lucky in other ways.  ^_~//

**What Shadows Hide: Complications**

Jack snarled silently, barely noticing that Ralph was staring at him with confusion and concern.  Things weren't going much to his liking, and if he didn't have a deadline to work with, he'd have told Ralph to get the hell away from him.  As it was, he'd have to try to work around this.

"What's your problem?" Ralph asked, the slightest hint of worry underlying the sarcasm in his voice.

"Shut up," Jack replied in a hollow tone.

_(Limbs tangled together, slick with sweat and spit-)_

Ralph's eyes narrowed and a small smile played on his lips.  He was obviously pleased at having a chance to torment his tormenter.  "What's wrong, Jack?"

_Besides your presence bringing back memories of dreams I shouldn't be having?_

_(Soft lips and sharp teeth, pressing together in an almost cannibalistic frenzy-)_

Jack closed his eyes and tried to ignore his traitorous mind.  This was, strangely enough, the first time he'd been plagued with such dreams.  He usually slept like the dead.

"Jack, you don't look so well."  Ralph's voice couldn't have been more silky or sexy.

"Shut the fuck up."

_(And that soft voice, strained by exhaustion and pleasure, saying words that Jack couldn't ever believe could be true-)_

"Temper, temper," Ralph said, laughing delightedly.  He was really having too much fun with this.  Jack pushed away from the railing of the scenic view area they'd met at, extremely angry at his lack of control.

_(Half-closed eyes lowered, not in modesty, but in a calculated move to force Jack to lift that beautiful face-)_

"Tell me something, Ralph," he said quietly, going on the offensive.  "Did you enjoy the time we made out in the locker room?"

Ralph's whole body went rigid for a moment before he forced himself to relax, but Jack had seen it anyway.  "You attacked me and smashed my head on the floor."

"That wasn't what I asked."

_(Pale hands trailing down his chest and body arching into his-)_

"Of course not!  You attacked me!"

Jack grinned without humor.  "You don't lie very well."

Ralph's expression was livid.  "I'm not lying."

"On some level, you are."  Jack reached out, grabbing Ralph's shoulders and pulling him close in one quick movement.  He ignored Ralph's curses and the anger the other boy employed to hide his fear- he caught a glimpse of that hidden, guilty desire in Ralph's eyes and shook the other boy sharply.

_It's your fault; I know on some level that you still want me and it's affecting my dreams, you bastard- this is not about sex this is about finding out why the hell you are always in my mind-_

"Do you want me to kiss me you?" he whispered, not bothering to hide the rage in his voice.  "Do you want me to stick my tongue down your throat?"

Ralph's eyes were huge and he didn't seem able to answer.  

_Used to me acting like a nice boy, are you?  Used to me treating you, if not kindly, at least in a 'civilized' fashion?_

"Jack-"

He shook Ralph again, barely noticing when the boy's teeth slammed together on his lower lip.  "Yes or no, dammit!"

_(Warm body curled against his own, held in comfortable companionship-)_

"N-no!" Ralph finally gasped, pushing away from Jack and staring at him in shock and anger.  "What the hell is your problem?"

"No one else has ever kissed you," Jack said.  He crossed his arms over his chest and wondered vaguely why he felt so vulnerable at this moment.  "No one else has ever touched you, have they?"

"Why are you asking me this?"

_Because I know what your sweat tastes like I know what your spit tastes like and no one else ever should-_

"Would you answer the question?"

Ralph bared his teeth in a smile that was not a smile at all.  "Feeling territorial?"

"Would that make you happy?"  Jack felt a tiny spark of malicious satisfaction at the dark look Ralph sent him that was just a second too late.

"I'm going home now," Ralph announced, turning to leave.  Jack grabbed his arm, digging his nails into Ralph's skin.

"Answer the question," he said quietly.

Ralph glared at him.  "Which one?"

"Both."

_(And a voice that whispered again those words that he would never hear in the waking world-)_

"No."

"And yes."

Ralph glared at him, not affirming, but not denying that last statement.

Jack let him go.

//Review if you like, flame if you have to, blink in confusion if you just don't get it.//


	7. Accusations

//Day four, finally.  Jack's week is moving quite slowly.  I can't seem to keep him in character for very long.

Short chapter again, but more slashiness.  Kissing alert!//

**What Shadows Hide: Accusations**

Jack wasn't the sort to admit to making mistakes.  If something went wrong, it was someone else's fault.  Therefore, what had happened the other day was Ralph's fault.  And Ralph would have to bear the consequences of it.

The sunlight was warm and rich today, falling heavily through the leaves.  Everything around the two boys was quiet, golden-green, and lonely.  The air was much too thick.

A hidden spot in the trees of a park can be as much of an island as a tiny body of land in the middle of the ocean.

It had been Jack's choice to meet at the same place they had met the first day.  He had thought that he could get back into the right frame of mind if he was reminded of earlier success.

So it must be Ralph's fault again that he was wrong.

Jack darted one fire and ice glare at the boy sitting next to him.  Ralph was staring into the creek, hugging his knees to his chest and almost pouting.  Everything about him screamed tension.  Jack wasn't much better off.

"Do you ever dream?" he asked, his voice calm and easy though not entirely without hesitation.  Jack winced at that slight weakness.

Ralph didn't even look up.  "Feeling talkative today, are we?"  His voice was mocking.

"What do you dream about?" Jack asked again, controlling his anger.  His control was becoming more and more splintered.

Ralph's eyes closed.  "Stuff."

"Stuff."

"You heard what I said."

Jack sighed and stretched out, tipping his head back to the sunlight.  He could feel the warmth of Ralph's eyes moving over his body and tried not to snarl at him.

_Your fault.__  If you would stop looking at me, stop wanting me, then I could stop wanting you.  This is your fault._

"Tell me what you dream about and then we'll go home," he said, sitting back up and hunching over to stare down at the water.  He hoped that Ralph hadn't noticed the inevitable reaction his body had taken.

_Stop wanting me and I'll stop wanting you._

"What do you want to know for?" Ralph challenged.  The tension in the air was still as thick as the too-warm sunlight and Jack thought for a moment that he could feel the little electrical signals in the space between them, could tell what messages were being sent.  Maybe he could.

_This is the best offer you're going to get.  Take it._

"Why do I want to know anything?  Tell me what you dream."

_I don't understand why I feel like the one in a cage._

Ralph was silent for a long moment, and Jack was about to ask him again when the boy sighed and stretched his own legs out, looking up at the sky like it held the answers.  "Most of the time, I don't dream.  I sleep like a log."

_Most of the time, I don't dream.  I sleep like the dead._

"Sometimes I dream about the island.  Bad things.  That stopped a while ago, but sometimes I have still have those dreams."

_Sometimes I still have those dreams.  Bad things.  But they're so good, they're so right-_

"Sometimes I dream-"  Ralph stopped, his eyes dark and his breath suddenly faster.

_You're destroying me._

"What do you dream about, sometimes?" Jack asked, his voice slow and his breathing too fast.  It was with an almost painful jolt of fear and excitement that he realized what control was really was.

_It's not going with the emotion it's not dealing in anger it's not following the pain it's all about not doing any of these things and I'm out of control I'm out and so is he-_

Ralph glanced over at Jack, his trepidation clear in his face, but the glance held and became a matching stare that was too powerful for either of them to look away.

"I dream," he said quietly before Jack moved forward and kissed him hungrily, stopping his words.

_Don't tell me what you dream.  I don't want to know.  I don't want to remember these promises that aren't real and I don't want to belong to you; I want to make you let me go forever and ever I want to be free-_

Ralph's arms were around his neck and his arms were around Ralph's waist and neither was going to be free for some time.

//Review if you like, flame if you have to, blink in confusion if you just don't get it.//


	8. Arguments

//I can't believe this.  My NaNoWriMo piece is crap.  I refuse to let anyone ever look at it.  As soon as I'm finished I'm going to print it out and burn it.  I can't write a long, intensive piece!  Argh!  But I can't quit, 'cause I am NOT a quitter.  Dammit.

So I'm taking a break and writing something that isn't too long, and that I truly enjoy.  Hurray for fanfiction!  And hurray for Jack finally realizing how deep in denial he is!//

**What Shadows Hide: Arguments**

The schoolyard was quiet.  Classes were over.  They sat at the playground, watching the light fade in the late afternoon.  They watched as the light shed its last rays before falling into shadow.

Ralph was almost huddled into himself, refusing to look at Jack at all.  For his part, Jack was also trying to avoid eye contact.  He still couldn't believe the lack of control he'd shown the other day.

But that didn't mean he wasn't laying blame.  And that didn't mean that Ralph wasn't going to pay.

"How did you explain your neck to your parents?" he asked snidely, darting one poison-ice glare at Ralph, who closed his eyes and held himself tighter.  Jack nearly snarled in frustration; Ralph was so completely vulnerable, and he didn't dare do anything.

Not unless he made himself just as vulnerable.

"They never saw it," Ralph finally croaked, his hand coming up to touch the red bite mark that Jack had left, rather near the jugular.  Jack clenched his fists when he noticed how Ralph's eyes were red and the skin around them raw-looking.  He had been crying.

If it weren't for the bruises on his hands due to pounding various objects and the marks left by his nails digging into his palms, Jack would have called Ralph weak.

_He's still weak.  I fight and he cries.  I break things and he breaks down.  Who's stronger, then?  I am!_

There was a time when he would have believed that without question.

"I guess they don't care so much about how their darling boy is doing, then," he sneered, trying to ignore the way that he was starting to shake.  Tears were hot in his eyes, too; tears of frustration and rage and pain.

_I don't care about you.  I hate you.  I hate you!  You're making me weak; you're making me just as weak as you are.  Let me go, leave me alone!  I don't want anything to do with you!_

Ralph shrugged, his eyes dull and more gray than blue.

_Liar, liar.___

"I guess you didn't care much, either," he said, anger making him spit the words out.  "I guess you, Mr. Civilized, enjoyed that a bit too much."

Ralph's eyes blazed with anger and he jumped up, finally facing Jack and not backing down.  "Oh?  And who started it, Jack?"

"Don't even say my name," Jack hissed, pulling his arm back.  Ralph stood straight and let his arms dangle at his sides, staring right into Jack's eyes.

"Hit me, then, Jack," he said quietly, daring him to do it.  "Hit me if it makes you feel better."  Ralph's voice rose in volume.  "Hit me if it makes any of this any better!  Let's let violence solve all these problems!  God, they started them, mindless stupid fighting!  Why can't they finish them?"

Jack froze, trembling, unable to move or to back down.  Ralph laughed harshly.

"You don't know what to do, do you?" he asked, his voice breaking with his anger but still stronger than Jack felt at the moment.  "You don't understand what you started, all over again!  You're so bloody stupid!"

"And I take it you're so much wiser," Jack whispered, feeling the heat radiating off Ralph.

"What do you want, Jack?" Ralph asked, his voice suddenly soft and pleading.  "What did you want, with all of this?  Tell me what you want and maybe we can end this!"

_I am not that weak._

"Shut up," Jack said, his voice gaining hysterical strength.  "This isn't about-"

"This is all about you, Jack!" Ralph shouted.  Jack finally lashed out at him, hitting him in the cheek and knocking him backwards.  As Ralph fell, clutching his face, Jack had to restrain an urge to just jump on him and hit him again and again and again.

_I will kill you.  I am not that weak.  I will make you suffer.  I am not as weak as you._

Ralph looked up at him with calm, strong, gray-blue eyes, equal parts blue and gray, and Jack realized with rising horror that he was not strong, that he was weak, because Ralph was the strong one here.

_The weak lash out because they are afraid to understand.  The strong try to find out why, where, how.  The strong don't have to fight, because they are not threatened.  I am weak.  I am threatened._

_I am frightened, and I am weak._

"What do you want?" Ralph asked, his voice strong and quiet in the still air.

Jack turned away, walked away; running when he judged that Ralph could no longer see him.  He wouldn't- he couldn't- answer that question.

He knew he wasn't strong enough to admit that what he wanted, what he needed, was Ralph.

//Review if you like, flame if you have to, blink in confusion if you just don't get it.//


	9. Last Time

//NaNoWriMo is done.  My torment has ended.  Thank all the gods.

So now it's time to write more fanfiction!  Finally, I can put the shame behind me.  Time for more fun Jack and Ralph angst!

This would be day six… written nearly a month after day five.  I'm so on top of things.//

**What Shadows Hide: Last Time**

It hadn't been a good day at all.

Jack had been too stressed out to even look at Ralph.  He was fairly sure Ralph had had the same problem; Jack hadn't felt anyone staring at him and he was always very perceptive when it came to things like that.

No, the whole day had been useless.  Jack wasn't concerned with grades, but that was because he had never had to be.  He got above average marks on homework and tests without trying.  Lately, however, his schoolwork had been taking a definite turn for the worse.

And it shouldn't have mattered, or so Jack told himself often.  School was a farce; it was little more than conditioning to turn people into unimaginative slobs content with their lot in life.  He didn't care for mathematics or science and their harsh rules that tried to contain everything in the infinite universe.  He hated literature; what did a bunch of people whom he had never even met have to say that had any bearing on his situation?

Still, watching his marks drop like stones into dark pools rankled more than he could say.

He had slipped a note to Ralph telling him to meet him after the final class period at the school library.  _Just like a stupid schoolgirl, he thought in disgust._

No, it wasn't anything close to a good day.

He was waiting at one of the desks in plain view, looking over an essay that had garnered less than wonderful marks, when Ralph finally showed up.  The librarian was watching them suspiciously, waiting for the first possible sign of trouble.

"Afternoon," Jack said pleasantly, not looking up.  He started to pack his books, taking his time as Ralph waited, shifting his weight every other second.

He slung his book bag over his shoulder and walked out of the library, leaving Ralph to trail after him.  An innocuous enough place to begin, giving no hint to the true activities planned for that day.

They walked in silence, each lost in thoughts that weren't entirely pleasant.  Jack found himself counting their steps.  One, two, three, four, and on for an eternity.

_Until everything is stopped, once and for all.___

Ralph was staring at the ground, walking slower than Jack was but with longer steps.  He had his hands in his pockets and was slouching just a bit.  Jack realized that he was watching Ralph out of the corner of his eye and was going to stop before he remembered what today was for.

_Might as well stare while I can.___

He led the way to his house, having chosen not only to deal with Ralph and this whole insane situation on his own turf, but also for privacy, for comfort, and for memories.

Not that he'd ever admit that to anyone, especially not himself.

Ralph's expression was wary when Jack waved him into the house.  Jack kept his own face blank, knowing that Ralph suspected something but not nearly all of it.  It was almost a relief, though, for both of them.

This is what it had been leading to all along.  At least, that's what Jack thought.

He led the way to his room, doing his best to hide any nervousness that he might not have noticed.  It seemed to Jack that he was completely calm, almost eerily so, and completely unconnected to what was happening.

It was like a dream, and he knew it couldn't be real because Ralph was there and he was willing.  He knew it was a dream because there was no fear, there was no anger; there was nothing but a strange sort of joy.

And that quickly changed to pleasure.

It was all right, just this once, to leave every single mask behind and live in the moment again.  There was no death in this, there was no pain and no sorrow because this was all there was.  This was it.

And with each touch, each caress and kiss, he tried to memorize what it was to feel alive and loved for a moment.  He took everything he could from Ralph, but he gave as much back as he was able, because this was the last time he'd ever do either.

And because he wanted to know.

_I told myself it wasn't about sex, and it wasn't._

Jack held Ralph even closer, as if he would never let go.

_I said that I didn't want you, and even that was true._

Ralph's eyes met his for one hazy moment and they were open straight to the soul.

_But I won't say that word, even to myself._

They were bright with an emotion that Jack wouldn't name.

_Because then this would have been for nothing._

They held each other for a very long time after, without speech, because that wasn't necessary.

_Because then I wouldn't be able to say goodbye._

//Review if you like, flame if you have to, blink in confusion if you just don't get it.//


	10. Turn

//I hate finals.  They are the work of Satan.  Real life isn't giving in to my fanfiction demands, though.  Isn't that annoying?  There's absolutely no give!

Ah well.  On to the end of the fic, which ended up being a lot more fluffy then I thought it could possibly be…//

**What Shadows Hide: Turn**

Jack stopped at his locker for only a minute, grabbing his homework and slamming the door shut.  The sound was lost in the laughter and ruckus of hundreds of other students getting ready to leave.

It was all a matter of self-control, after all.  He had made a decision and he would stand by it, come hell or high water.  He stopped for a moment, pondering the saying that had flashed through his thoughts, before shrugging it off and walking quickly down the hall.  It didn't matter and he had no time for things that didn't matter.

He hadn't been able to say it, he remembered bitterly.  He had just let Ralph leave silently, watching him the entire time with hungry eyes.

_But it will be different today, he thought, walking faster.  __He'll seek me out soon enough, wondering why the hell I didn't give him a meeting time or place.  _

_Of course, once he'd have been happy that I didn't tell him where to meet me-_

"Jack."

Ralph was waiting, lounging easily against the wall next to the door Jack always left the school from.  Realization flashed through Jack's mind- _he knows my habits as well as I know his, doesn't he?- before he gathered his composure._

"Yes?" he asked politely, getting only a small thrill from the irritation and confusion that was present in Ralph's eyes before he hid his feelings from Jack again.

"What do you have planned for today?" Ralph asked coldly after a long moment of angry glaring.  Jack closed his eyes briefly, berating himself for that weakness.

_I'll have to see him every day in school; I can't let him affect me like this._

"Go home, Ralph," he finally said, his voice tired.  He felt defeated, but that made no sense.  This was what he wanted.

Ralph was silent, maybe even speechless.  Jack knew Ralph was trying to catch his eyes, make him look up at Ralph, make him answer those silent questions that Jack wouldn't.

_Couldn't?_

"Home," Ralph echoed, anger finally stirring, hot like sun-flame in his voice.  Jack wanted it to burn his longing to ash, wanted to make Ralph hate him and set him free.

_And here I thought I was the hunter.  Didn't I know that prey can turn?_

"Just stay the hell away from me," Jack suddenly hissed, anger rising within him to match Ralph's, but his anger was cold as liquid ice and his heart was having trouble beating.  Everything inside him was freezing and how was he to lose that need when it was frozen forever, caught inside his aching soul for the rest of his life?

"Stay away from you?  Excuse me, but I thought you were the one who was stalking me!"

"Don't flatter yourself.  You wanted away from me and now you've got it."  Jack tried to push past Ralph but the other boy was strong.  He knew what he wanted.  Jack was still trying to deny it.

_Didn't I know that prey can turn?_

"What is your problem now, Jack?" Ralph demanded in a hoarse whisper, pinning him against the wall with his entire body.  Jack nearly screamed in frustration and rage.  "What kind of game are you playing now?"

"I'm not playing any games," Jack whispered back, his body so tense that it was starting to shake minutely.  "I don't want to talk to you ever again.  I don't want to see you ever again-"

"Maybe this isn't about what you want anymore," Ralph interrupted just before he kissed Jack with a surprising gentleness.  Almost against his own will, Jack kissed back, with all the need and desire and something infinitely more tender and sweet that had found its way into his soul during this long, terrible, beautiful game.

_Not a game anymore.  Was it really in the first place?_

Ralph drew back, though he still held Jack in place, staring at him with hurt filled eyes and a determined expression.  "What now, Jack?"

"If I were to say that I never wanted to see you again, what would you do?" Jack asked, a little breathless.  Ralph smiled suddenly, a spark of humor in his gray-blue eyes.

_Like an ocean in cold weather, where you aren't lost in heat but searching for it, because to be so lonely is like being dead._

"Questions again?" he teased.  Jack's hand was moving up to catch hold of Ralph's hair, ever so gently, before he even realized it.  "I would say that you're lying, and hold you here until you told me the truth."

"It doesn't work that way," Jack said suddenly.  He tried to push Ralph away but his efforts were, for the most part, disregarded by both boys.

"Then give me a week to try and convince you otherwise," Ralph dared.

//Review if you like, flame if you have to, blink in confusion if you just don't get it.//


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